The Problem with Butthead and other Boys

Is there anything worse than watching your beautiful teenager daughter struggle with the issue of boys? This is the hardest thing in the world to me. I just want to tell her what to do, I mean I do tell her what to do, she just doesn't listen;) So let me rephrase, I just want to tell her what to do and make her do it! But I know I can't, I won't, and most importantly I shouldn't.

She has reached that wonderful age where she is beginning the journey of trying to figure out the opposite sex. You know how it goes you try to assign meaning to every word, gesture, and look; and usually you get it all wrong. Sad but true. This is such a difficult situation I haven't wanted to burst her bubble and tell her that never changes...

Oops I guess I just did!

The Problem with Butthead

My daughter has had her first kiss in the last year, shocking but true. It was a requirement for her to have a quinceanera that she would not date, or kiss any boys until after her Quince. This was something she agreed too. She was not prohibited from having a boyfriend (the truth is you really can't stop them if they want to), it was just that she was given a choice to either have a boyfriend, or have a quinceanera. She knew her mama knows how to throw a party so she chose the quinceanera (which was a beautiful event). However, since her Quince this past July she is officially available for courtship.

As a result she has had her first major romance, minus the romance. The boy in question is affectionately known as Butthead in our house. This is a great name for him since being a boy of 16 he is frequently a butthead. This doesn't change the fact she loves the kid, she can't help it. Sadly, this is also true of me. I love the kid too. This is a major weakness for me, it prevents me from banning him from the house because he made her cry, or all other kinds of parental behavior that would be briefly satisfying and then disastrous. So what do I do? I have no choice but to let her try to work it out.

Working it out is a slow process. It is frustrating and difficult for me, I can only imagine how it feels for her. I have tried all kinds of helpful advice like, Move On, Like a new Boy, once (well more times than that) in a fit of desperation I even told her kiss a new boy, then you will get over him!

The problem is that she's shy, and Butthead is the only boy that ever really pursued her. He was brave enough to keep trying without much encouragement on her part, he even was willing to wait until after the quince to be her boyfriend. He was willing to put up with me her crazy mama, and he even liked me. But then it just didn't happen. He never asked her out. He comes around, cuddles with her, and occasionally is really sweet. Then he ignores her. He is a master of the game. Sometimes I want to choke him, but it's illegal. So I have to settle for picking on him which doesn't phase him in the least.

The problem with Other Boys

Now the problem with other boys, none of them are confident enough to pursue her. She is a beautiful girl, I don't say this because I am her mom, other people think so too. But once again she is shy. I think most mistake this as unavailable or uninterested, or maybe even stuck up. Who knows? In a world full of girls that are showing you their whole bodies on MySpace, and sending dirty text messages she is the odd one out. When these young boys have all these forward and sexually available girls out there, that require so little effort, who are they going to choose? You know who, so do I, and so does she.

How do I help her understand that it is not her. That she lacks nothing. That boys of that age are just driven by hormones, and fear of rejection. I talk to her, I tell her stories, I tell her all the consequences and pitfalls of promisicuous behavior and teenage sex. We talk about the consequences she has seen in the lives of her own friends. She knows my story... pregnant at 17 in high school. She knows all these things logically, but does her heart know it?

So what's the problem with Butthead and other Boys?

They are Boys, just trying to figure it out too. Boys that are learning the rules of this game in the same arena as our girls. Boys that have been conditioned to this outrageous mating behavior, that they think is normal. Boys who believe it should be that easy. Boys that don't know that anything worth having is worth working for. What are we teaching our boys? We spend a lot of time trying to teach our girls Purity and Self Respect; but fail to teach our boys the same things. We need to teach them how to respect themselves, what relationships really are, and how to respect our beautiful girls.