Electronic Exhibitionism

Yesterday, my daughter sat at the table reading her May issue of Seventeen magazine she was reading the typical dating advice these teen magazines give. On a list of Do's and Don'ts I saw my favorite piece of advice...

"Don't be a Textrovert!"

This is a subject I have discussed at length with my family and friends. Text messaging seems to me to be the axis of all evil when it comes to communication. Don't get me wrong I love technology, I am a gadgety kind of girl, I always want the new technology... but text messaging? It breaks down any kind of real communication, and usually breaks down normal boundaries as well. Before going further I want to define the term textrovert. According to the Urban Dictionary textrovert is defined as:

Textrovert:
1. One who feels an increased sense of bravery over texting, as opposed to in person.
2. One who will often only say what they really feel over text messages.
3. When someone you know is a completely different person through texts.

The world is full of textroverts. Especially, amongst the young. My daughter and her friends spend alot of time texting. It seems to have replaced talking on the phone, and even talking in person. Communication is not about only the things we say verbally, but how we say it. Facial expressions, body language, tone, all of these are important aspects of communication. Text messaging which does not include all these important aspects of communication leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. There are somethings that emoticons just can't express. Let's explores each of the definitions above.

One who feels an increased sense of bravery over texting, as opposed to in person

Since text messaging and camera phones have become so overwhelmingly popular there are has been a rise in electronic exhibitionism. Times have changed, now we can take pictures and see them instantly , presumably without anyone else ever seeing them. We can then immediately share them with our friends and family with the click of a button. This has two effects: first with this kind of convenience at our fingertips we can send these images out into the world without giving it a whole lot of thought first, resulting in embarrassing mistakes. Second, this availability to take a picture anywhere gives people a false sense of privacy. For example, when looking at myspace you see a ton of photos uploaded from mobile phones of girls in their bathrooms or bedrooms taking pictures. So there they are, in a place that feels both private and safe but they are making it public, for the whole world to see. They don't seem to grasp the concept that once that image is out there in the public, or on the Internet, or even on someone else's phone they no longer have any control of it.

Then there is the underbelly of electronic exhibitionism, the unwanted photos! I recently was talking with one of my daughters friends when she received a text message from a boy she knew. She opened her phone, and closed it immediately and said "Gross!" I asked her what it was and she told me that he had just sent her a picture of his erection. Prior to the picture being sent they had not even been texting each other. There was no conversation that led to him exposing himself, I guess he just thought it would be funny. She then told me that this wasn't the first time, that she had told him it was gross and not to do the time before. This goes back to my earlier point. He feels brave and safe that he won't get caught, (because how many kids do you know that would tell their parents or another adult they got a message like that, most wouldn't) and he doesn't need to experience rejection because he doesn't have to see her expression or hear her tone. It doesn't matter what her response is, he imagines it to be what he wants it to be.

Ask yourself how many inappropriate and unwelcome pictures and messages have your kids received?

One who will often only say what they really feel over text messages.


This one is funny. How many people do you know both teenagers and adults who try to have serious conversations over text. Everyone knows about the dreaded "Where is this relationship going" conversation. Well it's gotten easier because many people do most of their communicating through text. This is convenient because it is must easier to lie when you don't have school your expression. It's much easier when your audience can't hear the sarcasm in your tone when you say, "I love you too." Now I am not suggesting that everything said over text is a lie, I am just suggesting that important conversations should probably happen in person.

The other side of this issue is, the honest person that is just trying to escape an unpleasant or uncomfortable conversation. For example, the "this relationship is over" conversation; or the "I have met someone else" or any other guilty confession. Maybe you are thinking: Hey, what's wrong with that?

I understand the thought process... I mean of course it's much easier to reject someone, or let them down when you don't have to experience their reaction; there is infinitely less guilt. But does that absence of guilt result in less concern for the other person's feelings?

If you are the type of person that can only say how you really feel over text messaging, maybe it's time to examine your motives for having the conversation in such a sterile environment, is it avoidance, fear, or just nerves. Just know why you do it, and be prepared for the possibility that the person on the other end may not have to same motivations as you. Always be prepared that they may not take what you say seriously.


When someone you know is a completely different person through texts.

This is usually a result of a lack of confidence on that person's part. Maybe through text they feel more comfortable showing their playful or flirtatious side, which isn't always a bad thing. However, it is a bad thing if that individual is pretending to be someone different then who they are. This will inevitably lead to disappoint either in themselves; (because of bad behavior) or disappointment for the individual on the receiving end when their expectations are not met. It is still true that the best policy is to be yourself.

My Rule: If you wouldn't say it, do it, or show it in person... Don't do it in Text!

So finally my conclusion is that although technology is wonderful, it is important that the use of technology and the electronic media age doesn't erase our sense of basic boundaries and our expectations of responsible and decent behavior. The rule in my house is that if you wouldn't do it in person don't do it in text. Or there is always the grandma rule...

Grandma Rule: If you can do it/say it/show it to your grandma you can do it, say it, show it to your date!